So I don’t even think you remember, but I lied when you asked if I was scared. I don’t know why I said no, because I really was. Not of you, but how you made me feel. I should have known it was too good to be true. And now I’m absolutely terrified that I’ve lost you for good, and I don’t even know why. I shouldn’t be so easy to trust people with my heart, especially after what has happened in the past, but it’s just so much easier said than done. I wish I could change the way my brain and heart worked. I take chances because I don’t want to think “what if?” For the rest of my life but I’m always the one to get hurt when I do so. I think tonight was the universes way of telling me to just drop it. I just wish houses weren’t so expensive and I wasn’t stuck in Ocala indefinitely and that when people say something, they mean it, and not for just a short period of time. Life would be so much easier if it was easier to be happy.
I hate feeling so lost. I hate feeling so alone. I hate Ocala, but I hate not being in port orange more. I hate not being able to shake you, you’re always on my mind, and I’d kill just for you to look at me the way you did. I wish people would keep their promises, and not lie about stupid shit. I wish that you would give a goddamn about how your action, or lack of, affect me and my life. I wish people were different and that life wasn’t hard. That more people would take a chance, especially when it comes to those with your heart. I just want to be happy again, and I don’t want to have to wait for that to happen.
